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I have written on here in a long time and i think thats why everythings just gone wrong. Everyday is the same one side of me is saying eat its fine and the other wont let me and is telling me iapos;m fat ugly and donapos;t need it.

I canapos;t win and right now iapos;m as fat as ever so it annoys me when my mum comments saying things like "oh is this just another excuse not to eat" which is what she said at dinner because we argued and i cant eat when i feel like im about to cry, even to try to show her im eating. (ihave to have dinner, so i fast in the day)

Anyways less than a month until my mum goes away and iapos;ll be living alone for 3 weeks, and i cannot wait because i can do whatever i want, empty the house so there is no food for when binges come along and that way i can loose as much as possible and pray that i will soon reach my first goal weight, i wont be happy until i get there, i need it.

Iapos;m fed up of being the fat one, the one whos legs wobble, the one whos concious that everyones whispering how fat she is, the one who envys the beautiful thin ones. I�want to be the thin one, the beautiful, strong, fragile, delicate one. I want to be in control, iapos;ll make it, i wonapos;t be the pig i have been.

5apos;6...
GW1 : 110 lbs
GW2: 100 lbs

I know iapos;ll get here someday


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