asl chat

I love talulah, she is so human sometimes it scares me. Sheapos;s got her head on a pillow next to me and every time I�look over at her, sheapos;s staring at me dreamily like sheapos;s memorizing my face, the way Iapos;m sitting. We heard an outburst of a group of dogs barking and then a smaller bark suddenly whimpered and yowled as if in pain, and talulah was over there jumping in surprise and looking urgently towards the window, ears sprung up to the highest degree. And then I said "shhh" and her ears went back down and she nudged me with her snout.
Sheapos;s asleep now within a pillow home that she must have formed earlier.

My stomach is making weird noises, I�spent the day reading and drinking coffee with my robe and my glasses and some marlboro reds, I had the house to myself because my Dad, Carolyn, and my Aunt Rose went to Christianapos;s football game for UNC. That would be the last thing I�would want to do, pretend to be following a game that I�really donapos;t care about much, standing in the constant rain and darkness? I still feel as though they should have asked me if I would have liked to go, even though I�didnapos;t actually want to.

I am really stoned and was just sitting on my bed for a long time, looking around at my room that has obviously not been looked at in a while. Pink pigs, one with a pink cowgirl hat, a blossoming pink paper flower, glass bottles-one thats blue and others that are clear, one with a glass design on it from an old ladyapos;s estate sale, the same sale where I bought plain covered books. The same pictures stare back at me, James Dean with another body attached, a corny jim morrison prose poster, tech n9ne making fun of michael jacksonapos;s thriller, photos of myself and other people when we were in the highschool years-I need new everything on my walls, so many different phases latched onto a surface, none of them are altogether current me.
I keep looking up at those enchanting eyes.

I just went to the gas station for some royals and there were two guys smoking outside, after I left and while I�was smoking I�kept replaying that moment in my head. There was no interesting moment in me passing them by laughing at how close I parked to the car next to me, talking, about who knows what, "young men they are everywhere but I�go as quickly around as I can when I see them and then regret it after they are long gone." , not anything�thatapos;s worth thinking about....
�but I�always seem to think about those little vibey moments the most. Awkward, shy, quiet, serious, you name it.


I love, love how this is for me.
Just so I can look back and read my thoughts over and look at the pictures Iapos;ve put up...

Carlos Fresquez has a captivating way of being. He is a painting instructor, but does not have hours in the office when I�am working there, so I�never see him. Heapos;s come in twice, the last time I�talked to him for a few spare minutes while I made an appointment for him. Why am I saying this? He had this salty-silvery grey hair that was cut in a really nice way, he wears cool glasses and has this nice way of smiling and being real with you in a confident way.� Yes, I am attracted to older men. Not always, but sometimes. I�seem to be attracted to all the men I�shouldnapos;t be, the way unavailable ones. Why is that?
My mom is like that too, thanks for the fucking awesome genetic trait1

English is so weird. Words are so weird. Sometimes I look at a word and it looks and sounds so fucking retarded, like trait. What kind of sound, word is that?�Our way of explaining feelings and objects is strange to me.

Needing for something more stimulating,
something less like Paulapos;s house,
with my two friends arguing and refusing to be easy to deal with
like he has to be stubborn no matter what-even if its something stupid like
"I canapos;t take a shower or drink water for another 10 hours," or
"No-I�wonapos;t help you roll that blunt and Iapos;m not smoking it either,"
even though thatapos;s totally against what his norms are.
And this girl, sheapos;s so...vulnerable and needy. Of him controlling her
I�hate to say that aloud like that
........buuuut itapos;s cool. "Weapos;re homies, even though whatapos;s really going on is neither of us have anyone else to get high with or stand side by side, thereapos;s no one else to let the levees break loose with..."

Self fucking absorption I tell ya






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